CHAPTER 1: IS OCD FOR ME?

OCD, otherwise known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is a suitable condition for those who have problems organising, cleaning or counting. OCD benefits these people, in that it helps them become more organised and clean, and eventually improves counting skills, which is good for those interested in Mathematics. Mothers around the world today praise OCD in turning their grotty teenage children into 1950s housewives in a matter of weeks. If you have a messy, disorganised house, then OCD is for you.

CHAPTER 2: HOW DO I GET OCD?

OCD results in a lack of seratonin production in the brain. Seratonin is found in bananas, so if you wish to get OCD end the consumption of all bananas as soon as possible. If you have a passion for bananas, and can't give them up, don't worry. People with OCD often get eating disorders, so you won't crave them for long. If you are trying to give OCD to your pet monkey, this can be somewhat problematic, but it is possible to trick the monkey into believing he or she is eating bananas, simply by painting carrots yellow.

CHAPTER 3: HOW WILL OCD AFFECT MY LIFE?

OCD is a condition that is better for those with social phobia, that is those with few or no friends. Obsessive-Compulsives are often easily observed in public, as they are the people jumping over cracks in the street, sanitising every object they come into contact with, or counting every telegraph pole in sight (often resulting in car accidents). If one has no friends and does not wish to go into public, less attention will be drawn to their quirks. However, if one is into exhibitionism, then public visits are highly recommended.

CHAPTER 4: HOW DO I GET RID OF OCD?

If you have been blessed with this mental disorder, however believe it is not the condition for you (you may prefer to be schizophrenic or bipolar) then it is simple to eradicate through the use of long-term medication.

CHAPTER 5: WHAT ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF OCD MEDICATION?

There are a few side effects associated with the use of OCD medications. These include: Blurred vision, constipation, drowsiness, dry mouth, low blood pressure, nausea, vomiting, allergies, confusion, increased appetite, insomnia, racing heartbeat / palpitations, skin rashes, sexual problems, seizures, dyspepsia, anorexia, somnolence, myoclonus, sweating, sugar cravings, unpleasant taste, diarrhoea, heartburn, eye pain, hallucinations, mask-like face (for more information please see our publication: Mask-like faces for Dummies), problems in urinating, stiffness of arms and legs, breast enlargement in both males and females, hair loss, inappropriate secretion of milk, increased sensitivity to sunlight, irritability, muscle twitches, red or brownish spots on skin, swelling of face and tongue, swelling of testicles, and yellow eyes or skin.

CHAPTER 6: GO FOR IT!

If you've decided OCD is the disease for you, congratulations! It is a very popular disease, shown in movies and on television, so the development of this illness will in most cases lead to instant popularity and invitations to do segments on current affairs programs. Now that you've finished reading this informative book, please feel free to read our other publications in our popular mental health series, including Schizophrenia for Dummies, Bipolar for Dummies as well as our newest publication, Psychosis for Dummies.